Hello, blog.

I have not been present with you for quite some time, and I missed you.

It is suddenly cold weather here in Atlanta - and possibly in most of the country.  One day it was sunny and warm, and two weeks later, I am wearing thermals, gloves and scarves to work.  Being cold is never my favorite thing, but I am learning to bundle correctly and it's not so unmanageable.  I keep imagining that I would not dislike being cold if I lived in Europe, so I should work it out here.  Although I would still like to live in Europe, for sure.  On a positive note, the cold weather does make things feel extra Christmas-y.  I have my fingers crossed for a white Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, this one feels a bit different to me, and I'm not sure why.  It feels calmer, somehow.  Perhaps because I have finished so much of my shopping early, and am not dealing with the rush...but I sort of LIKE the rush.  The happy flurry of excitement that comes with finding the right gifts and getting them under the tree...it feels nice.  But there's something else this year...maybe that life is steady and sure lately, and quieter than usual, but that's OK.

I know it's not the new year just yet, but I am already reflecting on 2010.  It was a pretty full year for us.  

I learned a lot of new things at work as I stepped into new (and more responsible) roles.  The downside is that (although my salary is by no means bad) I wasn't really given raises to compensate for the increased amount of work I do here, thus, I have kept my eyes open for new opportunities should they arise.  I decided to make myself more valuable overall and get a master's degree.  I discovered the Master of Library and Information Science program at the University of Alabama - applied, was accepted, and even received a small scholarship.  But alas, everyone makes mistakes, and I discovered this is not the program for me.  The subject matter itself is so minute and niche-y that it's hard to apply it to various fields of work, and I need something broad - I don't like feeling backed into one type of job.  Plus, the subject matter just bores me to tears.  With a bachelor's degree, you have to power through that.  But a master's degree is optional, and there's no reason to spend money and time on material you are not interested in.  I am also annoyed by the format - I found that if I did all my readings, sitting in 3 hour classes twice per week was just pointless, because it was one long repeat of what I read.  Waste of time.  So although my grades in the program are near perfect, I am looking at other options, specifically a Master of Business Administration with a focus in Human Resources.  An MBA can be used anywhere, and I would like to focus on the human component of business administration (as opposed to technology or finances, though those are also involved in the program I am considering).  The program is self-directed, so it requires more motivation and discipline, but is much more efficient.  My only concern is that some employers only take a master's degree seriously if it's from a brick-and-mortar institution.  That's quite unfair, in my personal opinion, and I know the stigma may be changing.  But as a employer, I think I would be more impressed by someone who works full time and self-directs themselves to earn an MBA than someone who just had the money to take off work and go back to a standard university.  I am weighing the options on this one, but I think I want to do it.

We spent Christmas and New Year's in New Zealand and Fiji last year.  Also visited New Orleans for the first time this year for our anniversary.  We saw some beautiful places, and I miss traveling, which we've done very little of this year.  That has primarily been because (a) New Zealand was such a long and expensive trip and (b) Wes's firefighter and EMT training has zero flexibility or time off.  I am hoping to do some additional traveling next year.  We're discussing a trip to Africa, but it doesn't seem to be coming along so well because things are so expensive and yet not very nice there - not a good mix.  I don't mind paying a pretty penny for a beautiful, relaxing, happy trip, but a pretty penny for stress and run-down countries is not the most appealing thing.  But Wes wants me to see where he grew up, and I do want to see it.  This will probably be our only trip there, so it seems smart to make the best of it this once.  I am looking forward to being able to travel wherever we want (i.e. Spain and Italy) after the Africa trip is done.

I find it really amazing to look at life and see how I have changed as a person.  This year:
1. I learned that I am pretty self-aware...meaning that when I do something, I can usually look inside and be honest about why I am doing it.  There are people in my life who are not even a little bit self-aware or introspective.  They have no idea why they feel or do things, and that's strange to me.
2. I learned to fight fair and control my negative emotions. When I first met Wes, I did not fight fair.  I let my negative emotions run rampant.  I yelled, I called names.  But now, when bad things happen, sometimes I laugh.  Sometimes I just go into what-needs-to-be-done-now mode to move on.  But I hardly ever yell or get angry.  And even when others get angry, I don't rise to it, I stay fairly calm.  I am by no means perfect in this area.  Sometimes I retreat inside and seclude myself when things get bad, but I am so proud of myself for not being an angry person, not being negative, and not letting the bad parts of life affect me as much.
3. I learned it's better to have two great friends who I can be honest with than 10 barely-there friends.  I learned that if someone wants to see me, they'll make time, and that if I feel it's a burden to spend time with someone, I probably don't honestly like them that much.  This has been a year of learning NOT to pretend for me.  I don't want to be fake.  I have two friends I can be blatantly honest with and I know they won't ditch me because I call them out, or because they call me out.  Earlier this year, I learned that if someone wants me to put on an act to make their life easier, they're not a friend.  And life is so much happier with two people I can count on.  I hope I meet more friends who are like this, but I am lucky to have even the two.
4. I learned that I really like me.  It's odd to realize that when I first met Wes, I didn't love myself very much, and therefore I NEEDED him more.  It made me clingy and emotionally needy.  I was never quite fulfilled because I always needed him to do more.  I don't recommend anyone ever get married to solve problems, because it doesn't work.  But getting married inadvertently solved a problem I didn't know I had - the security we have in our relationship allowed me to feel stable and grow into myself.  One day this year, I simply realized I like me.  I am not perfect and I am always trying to grow and learn, but to wake up and realize that I am my own best friend, I like spending time with myself, and that I can feel I deserve a certain type of friendship and love honestly because I know what I can offer others - it's a tremendously freeing feeling.  It has allowed me to really know what I need and want from my relationships in life, and to be more honest about them...i.e. the realizing that a quality friendship is worth five mediocre ones.
5. I can't stand negative people.  There are a couple of people in my life I have lost the desire to spend time with, simply because they are always complaining, and because they aren't happy with themselves, so they feel the need to bring others down by always implying that others are stupid, or that they know more than other people.  They expect others to come to them, and expect people to pursue their friendship even while they're so difficult to enjoy time with.  I need positive people in my life who ENJOY life, smile, bring light to others, and don't bring others down despite their opinions. 
6. There are some serious cultural differences in the world when it comes to travel.  When I travel, my firm belief is that my visit should impose on people in no way.  It should not cost them money (in food, activities, power or water bills, etc.), change their day to day schedule, deprive them of alone time to do their own things, or mean they need to drive me places and do things for me.  Part of being a responsible, adult traveler is, to me, taking care of myself so they enjoy my visit.  I am learning that culturally, some people expect you to host them in your home for long periods of time, and they don't consider it a negative that their visit will cost you time and money in a fairly significant way.  This is really hard for me to adjust to, and I am honestly not sure I want to adjust, as I feel it's sort of wrong.


This year also brought us a new addition to our family - Macy, or as we call her, Macy Moo, or more affectionately, just "The Moo" - she is a mess, but we love her.  Having a puppy definitely makes you more responsible - you simply can't skip walks because you're tired or stay in bed all day because you want to.  She takes up time, but I think she actually makes us more productive people.  We love animals, and we'd probably have a menagerie if we didn't live in an apartment.  Once we have a house, I have a bad feeling we might start accumulating more dogs and cats, and possibly bunnies and birds.  No reptiles!

This year also held big changes for Wes, from working at a golf club (which was still a decent job) to becoming a Cobb County Firefighter & EMT.  It's been super challenging - even getting hired was a looooooooong (year and a half) process, and then training is six months of crazy hard work, both mental and physical.  I am proud to say he's been amazingly devoted and it has shown in his work.  He loves the job so far, and graduates on January 20th.  I think we shall have a party!  Last night I set off the smoke detectors burning my cinnamon toast, and he so casually went and addressed the issue - he is a hero now, heh. :)


All in all, we've had a busy but good year.  I am looking forward to what 2011 will bring...