Letting go.

I am learning about letting go of people...and it's hard.

I initially learned (a few years back) about letting go of people who still wanted to hang on to me - toxic friends who only brought me down.  That was almost like breaking an addiction - you know something's bad for you, but you're used to it, so you let it stick around.  Now I've grown and this type of letting go comes easily.  If you're a friend and you're not bringing anything positive to my life, I will just let go.  I don't mean this in a selfish way - I don't consider you physically making me prosper being necessary.  A friend can have low times and need my love, that's normal.  It's still positive for me to help someone through a tough time.  But there does come a point when it's just all negativity.  And a line is drawn there.

Right now, I am learning about letting go of people who just already let go of me, or people who never really wanted me in the first place.  Friends who say no every time I ask them to see me.  Friends who want me to be fake and put on an act so their lives are nice and smooth.  Friends who just don't care if I come or go.  Not really friends at all.  But I wanted them to be, so very badly.  And letting go makes me feel alone and uncared for, so it's tough.  But I am trying to move on.  Trying hard.  

I am ultimately also going to have to learn to let go of expectations with SOME people in my life.  There are some people who will always be around, no matter what.  And they always seem to let me down in some ways, so I'd be stronger if I learned to value them even if they let me down, but just to keep them at arm's length.  

There are some people in life you let inside your heart.  There are others who are in your life, but never inside your heart.  I have a bad habit of believing if a person is worthy of being in my life, I should open my heart to them.  I do this in very quiet ways, and maybe most of them don't even know I do it.  And I get hurt.  I need to create spheres of love that I am willing and not willing to let people into, and make sure I keep control of my own heart.  After all, it is up to me who I let in, right?