I love this quote - I often don't feel creative enough, but I need to remember that my works of art may not be conventional...
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Artist.
Romance.
I've had romance on my mind lately. Maybe it's the lovely weather (ah, spring). I've always loved romance. It was easy to love in my dating years, because when people are dating (or "courting", you could say), they're always trying to be romantic to win someone over.
But after being married for a couple of years (amazing that it's been this long!), romance changes forms, and it requires a lot more effort. When you're dating, it involves effort to do anything together. But once you're married and living together with a routine, the small things that would have been considered effort are simply just...normal.
It's strange to sit back one day and realize that there's nothing WRONG with your marriage - nothing is going badly, no one is being mean. But things are just plain-Jane, run of the mill, day to day normal. You realize that neither husband nor wife has done anything wrong, but the spark has fizzled, and you've probably both let it happen. When you were dating, there was constant reassurance of someone's feelings for you, constant effort to be caring and thoughtful. You knew the person courting you was on your side. But things slowly change, and it's easy to see your spouse as your opponent. You find yourself subconsciously not being as loving, thoughtful, or supportive as you could be, simply because your partner isn't doing the same for you. And then you're in a vicious cycle, of just not being wonderful to your partner because they aren't being wonderful to you - and it doesn't seem to get better. There's no fight, no argument, no confrontations - just quiet.
I think it happens to every couple. I see newly married and engaged couples, and they are always laughing, showing love, touching each other physically - you can tell they are still in a phase of wanting to show their feelings. And then those of us who have been married for a while slip into thinking our partners should just know we love them without having to make effort to show it.
Thus, romance evades us.
Luckily, my husband and I saw this little issue creeping up and talked it out, and are making sure we break the cycle of marriage blahs. We will be just fine.
No matter how long you've been married, I think everyone needs some romance, some special care. Doing the dishes is helping, but it's not extra special care. I have two general thoughts on what it takes to make something romantic:
1. It has to be out of the ordinary. For example, we do dinner and a movie all the time, so if Wes planned that, it wouldn't be romantic. He does dishes all the time, so that's not romantic. I do laundry every week, so that's not romantic. But for other couples with different routines, some of those things might be very special!
2. It needs to require thought and purpose. Anyone can buy flowers, that's not super special - unless they think about it and purposefully buy flowers their partner really enjoys. Anyone can schedule a dinner date, so schedule something with an actual reason behind it (i.e. Mexican to remember your awesome trip to Mexico, maybe?) - as long as there's actual thought, effort, and loving reasoning behind something, it will feel special and not like someone just doing their marriage duty.
I know these thoughts are rambling, but it's just on my brain lately. As much as people tend to write off romance as being cheesy, I think most relationships (in a sense, even friendships) could really use more of it.
But after being married for a couple of years (amazing that it's been this long!), romance changes forms, and it requires a lot more effort. When you're dating, it involves effort to do anything together. But once you're married and living together with a routine, the small things that would have been considered effort are simply just...normal.
It's strange to sit back one day and realize that there's nothing WRONG with your marriage - nothing is going badly, no one is being mean. But things are just plain-Jane, run of the mill, day to day normal. You realize that neither husband nor wife has done anything wrong, but the spark has fizzled, and you've probably both let it happen. When you were dating, there was constant reassurance of someone's feelings for you, constant effort to be caring and thoughtful. You knew the person courting you was on your side. But things slowly change, and it's easy to see your spouse as your opponent. You find yourself subconsciously not being as loving, thoughtful, or supportive as you could be, simply because your partner isn't doing the same for you. And then you're in a vicious cycle, of just not being wonderful to your partner because they aren't being wonderful to you - and it doesn't seem to get better. There's no fight, no argument, no confrontations - just quiet.
I think it happens to every couple. I see newly married and engaged couples, and they are always laughing, showing love, touching each other physically - you can tell they are still in a phase of wanting to show their feelings. And then those of us who have been married for a while slip into thinking our partners should just know we love them without having to make effort to show it.
Thus, romance evades us.
Luckily, my husband and I saw this little issue creeping up and talked it out, and are making sure we break the cycle of marriage blahs. We will be just fine.
No matter how long you've been married, I think everyone needs some romance, some special care. Doing the dishes is helping, but it's not extra special care. I have two general thoughts on what it takes to make something romantic:
1. It has to be out of the ordinary. For example, we do dinner and a movie all the time, so if Wes planned that, it wouldn't be romantic. He does dishes all the time, so that's not romantic. I do laundry every week, so that's not romantic. But for other couples with different routines, some of those things might be very special!
2. It needs to require thought and purpose. Anyone can buy flowers, that's not super special - unless they think about it and purposefully buy flowers their partner really enjoys. Anyone can schedule a dinner date, so schedule something with an actual reason behind it (i.e. Mexican to remember your awesome trip to Mexico, maybe?) - as long as there's actual thought, effort, and loving reasoning behind something, it will feel special and not like someone just doing their marriage duty.
I know these thoughts are rambling, but it's just on my brain lately. As much as people tend to write off romance as being cheesy, I think most relationships (in a sense, even friendships) could really use more of it.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Class.
As many of you know, Caleb Kibble was in a pretty bad motorcycle accident yesterday and is in the hospital having surgeries - this blog is not about his accident, but about something it has made me see and feel.
As most of my graduating class is aware, I am involved with planning our 10-year reunion, which is happening this July. I have kept in touch with lots of classmates and am always impressed that our graduating class has produced the people I know and see around me (figuratively speaking). There are plenty of people who wouldn't miss a reunion, because they know it's their only chance in 10 years to see people they grew up with, and that's a valuable thing.
Then there are others who keep debating - they can't decide if they should attend a reunion for a list of reasons - they aren't sure they will have anything in common with people (you already do, you graduated together), they are afraid they haven't accomplished much (don't be silly), or they simply don't feel close to many high school friends any more.
But you know, the minute something bad happens to one of our classmates, the outpouring of concern and love is really amazing. I am not always the most vocal with my concern for others, simply because I know they are probably inundated with calls, e-mails, texts, chats, and generally more communication than they can deal with. So I sit back and watch our classmates who may say they're not sure they feel close to people from high school express real concern for someone they are tied to by the simple fact that we spent several formative years of our lives together. There have been times things have happened to me or others I know, and the expression of caring and concern from people we barely knew in high school was really comforting and sweet. It's a beautiful thing.
I think my class has class, know what I am saying?
So even though you may not keep in touch with many high school friends, or you may not be sure you have things in common with many of them, or even if you just feel strange attending a reunion because it's been ten years, remember that if something should happen to you, there's a large group of people who WILL care about what's happening to you, simply because we come from the same place. We may not all be texting each other and hanging out during the holidays, and you may not even realize you care about a classmate. But let tragedy come to their family, and you realize you definitely care.
That's a great thing, and worth my once-every-ten-years effort to see you all. I hope you feel the same. Yes, I am helping plan the event, and yes, I want people to come in general. But Caleb's accident and the response to it has reminded me of why it really is worth it to both plan and attend this event in our hometown.
On a side note (and another example of why our class has class), when we polled everyone regarding the reunion and asked how we should spend extra ticket funds raised, a huge majority voted to give the extra funds to a non-profit or group in need in our hometown, instead of to buy extra food for the reunion. Good choice, ladies and gents. When Caleb pulls through this (and he will!), I am hoping to speak to him and Sarah and possibly get their help choosing a group to receive any extra funds. Or we may take classmate suggestions on who/what to donate to, and let everyone vote, yes?
Do any of you know of classmates or classmates' children who have passed away since we graduated? I know Alesa's baby (Miller), but that is all. If you can think of other folks who would have been with us at a 10-year reunion but will not be, I'd love to know about them so we can honor them.
As most of my graduating class is aware, I am involved with planning our 10-year reunion, which is happening this July. I have kept in touch with lots of classmates and am always impressed that our graduating class has produced the people I know and see around me (figuratively speaking). There are plenty of people who wouldn't miss a reunion, because they know it's their only chance in 10 years to see people they grew up with, and that's a valuable thing.
Then there are others who keep debating - they can't decide if they should attend a reunion for a list of reasons - they aren't sure they will have anything in common with people (you already do, you graduated together), they are afraid they haven't accomplished much (don't be silly), or they simply don't feel close to many high school friends any more.
But you know, the minute something bad happens to one of our classmates, the outpouring of concern and love is really amazing. I am not always the most vocal with my concern for others, simply because I know they are probably inundated with calls, e-mails, texts, chats, and generally more communication than they can deal with. So I sit back and watch our classmates who may say they're not sure they feel close to people from high school express real concern for someone they are tied to by the simple fact that we spent several formative years of our lives together. There have been times things have happened to me or others I know, and the expression of caring and concern from people we barely knew in high school was really comforting and sweet. It's a beautiful thing.
I think my class has class, know what I am saying?
So even though you may not keep in touch with many high school friends, or you may not be sure you have things in common with many of them, or even if you just feel strange attending a reunion because it's been ten years, remember that if something should happen to you, there's a large group of people who WILL care about what's happening to you, simply because we come from the same place. We may not all be texting each other and hanging out during the holidays, and you may not even realize you care about a classmate. But let tragedy come to their family, and you realize you definitely care.
That's a great thing, and worth my once-every-ten-years effort to see you all. I hope you feel the same. Yes, I am helping plan the event, and yes, I want people to come in general. But Caleb's accident and the response to it has reminded me of why it really is worth it to both plan and attend this event in our hometown.
On a side note (and another example of why our class has class), when we polled everyone regarding the reunion and asked how we should spend extra ticket funds raised, a huge majority voted to give the extra funds to a non-profit or group in need in our hometown, instead of to buy extra food for the reunion. Good choice, ladies and gents. When Caleb pulls through this (and he will!), I am hoping to speak to him and Sarah and possibly get their help choosing a group to receive any extra funds. Or we may take classmate suggestions on who/what to donate to, and let everyone vote, yes?
Do any of you know of classmates or classmates' children who have passed away since we graduated? I know Alesa's baby (Miller), but that is all. If you can think of other folks who would have been with us at a 10-year reunion but will not be, I'd love to know about them so we can honor them.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Not cool.
Know what is very uncool? Friends who are really (super) needy when they are single, but as soon as they are dating someone, are always too busy for you, because they've planned their lives months in advance with the guy (because they simply transferred their neediness and insecurity to him). Crappy. The end.
Compassion
I think this is one of my biggest flaws - that I am not always compassionate enough. I don't feel all that moved to help when bad things happen to people (sometimes, there are exceptions to this), I don't cry hearing someone's sad family story, I don't feel strange if I don't volunteer every few weeks, I sometimes make it really obvious (not intentionally) if I don't like someone. I often wish I were more compassionate.
And yet, I am sometimes amazed at how much LESS compassionate than me others can be. It pains me to hear people say that they don't feel they should give of their time and resources to others because those people got themselves into trouble, so too bad. Yes, it's true. And I am all about justice. But when those people's bad actions harm others - children, for example - I can't stand by and do nothing. I can't change anyone, but I can help in small ways, and I want to. The whole "survival of the fittest" attitude about it really hurts my heart, because it's almost never as simple as it sounds.
I also see people quite often who feel it is beneath them to volunteer. They want to spend their time and money on themselves, period. Maybe on someone they like personally. I get that. I am selfish, in some ways - I love the treats in my life, and my personal time. But the thought that I shouldn't have to give of my time to strangers at all - it seems too extremely selfish.
It's a balancing act, this matter of giving of time and money. I am far from perfecting it, and often just fall off the tightrope and stare at it, honestly. But I want to try, and what's more, I want to surround myself with people who feel the same way, and in my world of mostly successful young professionals, it's proving hard to find. Big downer.
And yet, I am sometimes amazed at how much LESS compassionate than me others can be. It pains me to hear people say that they don't feel they should give of their time and resources to others because those people got themselves into trouble, so too bad. Yes, it's true. And I am all about justice. But when those people's bad actions harm others - children, for example - I can't stand by and do nothing. I can't change anyone, but I can help in small ways, and I want to. The whole "survival of the fittest" attitude about it really hurts my heart, because it's almost never as simple as it sounds.
I also see people quite often who feel it is beneath them to volunteer. They want to spend their time and money on themselves, period. Maybe on someone they like personally. I get that. I am selfish, in some ways - I love the treats in my life, and my personal time. But the thought that I shouldn't have to give of my time to strangers at all - it seems too extremely selfish.
It's a balancing act, this matter of giving of time and money. I am far from perfecting it, and often just fall off the tightrope and stare at it, honestly. But I want to try, and what's more, I want to surround myself with people who feel the same way, and in my world of mostly successful young professionals, it's proving hard to find. Big downer.
Bad attitudes...
...are something I just can not tolerate, and I seem surrounded by them, sometimes.
Example: today at work, our Senior VP asked me to look over some quarterly numbers and discuss with the group how we're looking compared to other offices in our company. Each office really functions as its own entity, but we're all one company, so it's important to be educated, right?
Apparently, for some of my office mates, it's not important, or not even worth their time to listen to. Some were rude, not listening and chatting with people around them (they do this all the time and it's arrogant). Others preferred to say those numbers (the not so great ones) just couldn't be right, and they really can't be concerned with them. Really? Your attitude sucks.
I see this in my everyday life as well - people whose attitudes are just bad overall. They always expect the worst of people, or they consider their own time more valuable than anyone else's, or they are just always in a bad mood, which brings everyone around them down. I am nowhere near perfect, but I CAN say I try to intentionally keep a good balance in life - being informed and educated, but maintaining a positive attitude as well.
And in the end, as much as a negative attitude irritates me (and it does), I know it will be more harmful to the person who has it, right?
Example: today at work, our Senior VP asked me to look over some quarterly numbers and discuss with the group how we're looking compared to other offices in our company. Each office really functions as its own entity, but we're all one company, so it's important to be educated, right?
Apparently, for some of my office mates, it's not important, or not even worth their time to listen to. Some were rude, not listening and chatting with people around them (they do this all the time and it's arrogant). Others preferred to say those numbers (the not so great ones) just couldn't be right, and they really can't be concerned with them. Really? Your attitude sucks.
I see this in my everyday life as well - people whose attitudes are just bad overall. They always expect the worst of people, or they consider their own time more valuable than anyone else's, or they are just always in a bad mood, which brings everyone around them down. I am nowhere near perfect, but I CAN say I try to intentionally keep a good balance in life - being informed and educated, but maintaining a positive attitude as well.
And in the end, as much as a negative attitude irritates me (and it does), I know it will be more harmful to the person who has it, right?
Friday, May 6, 2011
Boats.
Most people don't know that boats (small ones on lakes, not cruise ships) scare me a little. When I was in high school, a friend of mine was killed in a boating accident on Carter's Lake in north Georgia, and boats have freaked me out ever since.
Thanks to HalfOffDepot, I decided to take a chance on a 12-passenger pontoon on Lake Lanier with some friends. It was a great deal, what can I say? I was a bit nervous because I didn't grow up with boats and have little knowledge of them - but luckily, my hubby has lived his life going out on the lake, so he felt no fear!
We headed out with four friends - it took me a few minutes to quiet the butterflies in my tummy, but then it became quite nice on the lake - calming, breezy, sunshiney. I don't like when the boat goes too fast, and you couldn't pay me to get behind a boat on a tube or skis, but I am making progress, and I feel a (tiny) sense of accomplishment in this area.
Thanks to HalfOffDepot, I decided to take a chance on a 12-passenger pontoon on Lake Lanier with some friends. It was a great deal, what can I say? I was a bit nervous because I didn't grow up with boats and have little knowledge of them - but luckily, my hubby has lived his life going out on the lake, so he felt no fear!
We headed out with four friends - it took me a few minutes to quiet the butterflies in my tummy, but then it became quite nice on the lake - calming, breezy, sunshiney. I don't like when the boat goes too fast, and you couldn't pay me to get behind a boat on a tube or skis, but I am making progress, and I feel a (tiny) sense of accomplishment in this area.
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