Spring - in me.

Everyone goes through phases in life.  I have been in a very strange funk for the past year or so, feeling generally uninspired, weak, and stagnant.  I originally chalked it up to bad luck, then not having the right people around me, then just not being the right person.  Now, I think it's just time to get outside my comfort zone and begin growing again.  

I have this problem with having far too many interests.  I am curious about most everything, and that makes it hard to get deeply acquainted with any one subject, activity, or process.  I envy friends who can grow their skills exponentially by solid practice and devotion of time to anything - yoga, knitting, writing, volunteering.  I get bored so quickly, always jumping mentally and emotionally from one subject area to another.

I know I need to give some extra time and love to sprouting seeds within myself, but I can't stop being myself - I'll always be crazy curious.  I am trying to embrace that, but learn how to direct it in the best of ways.

There is something in me that is innately tied to the seasons changing - as we've started to shift from winter to spring, I feel fresher, and more mentally fertile, and ready to start pushing myself to grow.  It's a bit odd not having a built-in network of a few friends who are similar to me and want to do the same things, but this is some of my problem - I need to meet new people, forge new connections, find some new like minds to be interested in.  Friendships should evolve from that, with the right people.  I just need to put myself out there.

So, I am making more concerted efforts to say hello to people at yoga.  To attend some spiritual and educational/intellectual events and workshops.  To spend some time alone, reading, writing, meditating.  To learn how to meditate better, for that matter.  I need to push my mind and my heart, and that requires a bit of courage.  I hope I have it.

To that end, I am considering lots of new additions to my calendar - festivals, retreats/trips with like-minded folks, retreat time alone, discussion groups, activity outings, and more.  

I once saw Keith Urban speak about the beginning of his relationship with Nicole Kidman.  He told about them sitting on a park bench in Sydney one day, and he asked her a simple question - "How are you?  How's your heart?" - and she paused, and replied - "Open."  My hope is that this year, if asked about my mind or heart, I can simply reply that they are both - "open".