I honestly think true loyalty in friendships is a lost art. I feel like I remember a time when to be a friend was to be loyal - to dislike anyone who harms a friend, to not try to "remain neutral" if a friend gets hurt, etc. But these days, it's all about self-preservation. I struggle with this. If someone hurts my friend, I take it personally. I don't hang out with that person. I don't try to remain "neutral", because it doesn't really work.
The gray area creeps up when problems arise between people who are both your friends, and as much as we say "no one has to choose sides", people do end up having to choose sides. It sucks. It's not fun. But it's life. And someone always gets hurt.
This time around, I am the one getting hurt. I don't say this in a pity party sort of way, but in an honest and appalled way - I don't have a single friend that I KNOW would be loyal for me no matter what. I have some wonderful people in my circle of acquaintances, people I admire and really care about. I'd be willing to stand up for them in a hurtful situation, but that sentiment is not really returned. I examine myself in an honest way, and I can't see that the problem is within myself - I am far from perfect, but I try to consciously be a thoughtful and positive friend. I know I have flaws, but I don't feel like being a bad friend is one of them.
So is loyalty simply a lost art? Something that we consider old-fashioned? Out-dated? Juvenile? Questions of the female heart (like this one) always remind me of Sex and the City, and no matter how many people may say it's a TV show and is therefore not realistic, I maintain the belief that women should have friends who will be truly loyal to them, instead of trying to stay "neutral". Maybe I'm dreaming, but that seems right to me. I need a Charlotte who will stand up for me when someone hurts me, period.
I guess it comes down to the fact that there will never be someone that agress with us 100% of the time, and therefore won't always be there to back us up no matter what. We're wired to ultimately look after ourselves in order to survive. That's not saying that it's ok to not be loyal to our friends, but I guess it's unrealistic to expect someone to be on our side 100% of the time. One of the many things about life that simply sucks. Everyone in our lives, at some point in time, will let us down.
ReplyDeleteI agree, I don't expect someone to agree with me all the time - it's more about people who say they are your friend, but when it comes down to it, they'd toss you under the bus if it made life easier for them, if that makes sense. People don't have to agree, but they should be willing to stand up for a person they say they care about.
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